Invictus
by ButterMyButtAndCallMeABiscuit
Summary: It matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul... Reid/JJ AGAIN. Sexual content, swearing, and other fun stuff
1. Chapter 1

1JJ put her car into park, sweating bullets. Spence had suddenly said his goodbyes and left her engagement party. Will was more than pissed when she left their "after-party" to go check on Reid; JJ wasn't in the mood for that kind of party anyway. Reid hadn't answered his phone, and when JJ had the other teammates call him, he would answer, then when he was questioned about why he wasn't answering JJ's calls, would avoid the question and eventually find a "legit" reason to hang up. I mean, there's no way to prove that somebody else isn't calling him, or there's not someone at the door.

She opens the car door, then walks up to his loft. She knocks, then doesn't get an answer. She looks out of the building's windows. His car was in the lot...

Finally, she decides to use her spare key. JJ was the only person on the team he had given this to; his apartment was something he wasn't fond in other people seeing. JJ unlocks the door, opening it gently. She reaches to her hip; instinct was to bring her gun. She hears a loud groaning, coming from the bathroom. She moves quietly into the hallway.

_"Fuck. Your pussy feels so good around me. Keep fucking me, oh God."_

JJ's eyes widen. Who was he talking about? She had never seen...well, heard...anything like this from him. She shakes her head. He was probably thinking of some random made-up girl, just to get him off. But he left her party for _this?_ JJ felt sort of insulted.

Then she didn't anymore._"Ahh! JJ, I'm coming! Oh, Jennifer, I love you...oh, baby!"_

JJ grabs the wall. What?! She felt dizzy. She felt like...she didn't know. She really didn't know. She sinks to the floor, closing her eyes, listening to the increasing slap-slap-slap sounds, as she imagines, he ran his hand faster over his lubricated cock and his come splashed all over himself. JJ couldn't take it anymore, she couldn't. The feeling of pleasure and arousal coursing through her, the sound of his voice screaming her name...

She couldn't...

xXxXx

JJ opened her eyes, only to find she wasn't in the hall anymore. She was on a couch, and an ice pack was pressed to her head.

Then she _remembered._

She had heard him come. She listened to him let go, and...and...say that he _loved _her. Jesus Christ! She has to be in his house, still. Maybe she was dreaming. She looks to her right at a random book, and...yep. It was Greek and Roman Mythology. Oh boy.

"I see you're awake," a low voice says. She turns to see it was Spencer. He didn't look angry. He didn't look happy, or sad...he looked...amused.

"I-I..." She takes a closer look at him. He was shirtless, in baggy sweatpants."You're shirtless," she blurts.

He coughs awkwardly,"Maybe...maybe because I'm in my domain. You know, my house? That place that I gave you a key to, _not _expecting you to come stare at me masturbating like some kind of pervert? Yeah, that place."

She blushes furiously."I don't know what came over me. I can explain. You weren't answering my calls-"

"Which means?"

"That I was worried!" She cries out. She had no fucking choice but to come over there!

He mumbles something, then nods her to continue."You were answering everybody else's calls, so I thought you were mad at me. And you left the party. Why?"

"_Excuse me._ _You're _the one who watched me touch myself...which is illegal. I could have you arrested for voyeurism. I think I'm the one who should be asking questions." She nods."Okay. So, when you heard me, your first instinct wasn't to leave?"

She shakes her head. Now she had no words. Why _wasn't _that her first instinct?

"Why?" He asks her the same question she had just asked herself.

"'Cause," she says, her voice shaky."Because I...I just felt so turned on when I heard you, okay?! And then I fainted."

"Wrong." He counters."You came in your fucking panties and _then_ you fainted. So I changed you into my sweatpants. And don't get all mad because I took your panties and pants off. I wouldn't want to take advantage of someone who took advantage of me. It's not tit-for-tat with me."

She ignored most of what he said."I...I did what?"

"You fainted on the hallway floor. I guess, from exhaustion. After you came in your pants of course," he says sarcastically.

She cries out,"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, okay? But you said you loved me, and I-"

"I used to love you. Until you _played_ me. Until you kissed me at the football game and then got engaged to this Will loser and then had the _nerv_e to walk into my apartment and watch me swoon over you like the idiot I am!" He says, shouting now. His cool was lost, and JJ was quite scared. She became even more scared when he picked up a picture of the two of them and threw it at the wall. It shatters.

"You're not an idiot, Spence. It's just how you feel..." she says softly.

He snarls."And since when did you give a fuck about how I feel?! You don't even understand how I _feel_. You don't _care._"

She says,"I do. Spencer, I do!"

"Get out. You're a liar and a tease! I don't even know what I did to deserve this..." He says, obviously unstable. He went from shouting to crying. JJ takes a look at him.

"I never meant to hurt you," she says."I just...I was scared to pursue a relationship with you because if it didn't work out, I knew we couldn't be friends anymore. And I need a friend, Spencer."

He pauses. He looks at her somberly. His eyes tear back up, and he says,"Well, go find one. It's not me."

"No," JJ says. She knew she sounded desperate as fuck right now, but she _needed _him."It is! I want you to hold my hand and take me to meet your mother and kiss me and...and make love to me. And tell me that I feel so good around you, and in your arms. Spencer, that's what I want from you."

"What am I getting?" He snaps."You have nothing that I want."

Okay, ouch."I...deserved that. I really did. Spencer, I want to kiss you again. I do. Please? I just want you to look at me the way you did when we went to the game."

Sounding hurt, he says,"Why? You're in love with Will, right? Go back home to him so he can fuck you like you're some kind of sex toy."

JJ recoils. Sure, she had talked to Garcia before about how he felt with her. But...how did Reid know this?"That's why I want you."

"Get the fuck out of here!" He screams. Then he pauses, and says,"JJ, I love you, I do." Her heart swells...then falls again."But I need to get a good night's rest and come back to this with a fresh mind."

She stutters for a while, then finally gets out,"O-okay." She turns to leave, before Spencer's voice stops her.

"JJ...my mother would love you."


	2. Chapter 2

Reid had been pacing his house for several hours after JJ left. He just couldn't get a handle on this. She had broken his heart, repeatedly. And then, she broke the law...for him. It was all so confusing! There was one person he didn't want to call, but he knew that he would have to.

He grabs his phone, snatching it off of the couch. Reid tried not to call William. William didn't call his mother, and on the days she was able to think clearly, it troubled her. But he couldn't really trust anybody to handle his romantic life with...whatever William gave him. Maybe it was care, or maybe not. Morgan and Rossi would laugh him off, of course.

As a matter of fact, Reid found William's number in a fucking _phonebook._ William didn't give it to him. Yeah, it definitely wasn't care. Reid shakes his head vigorously, then opens William's contact. Every time his "father" would answer, he wouldn't call him dad, or daddy, or father, or even Will. It was William. That's who he is, after all, Reid thought.

He presses send and listens to the obnoxious ring back tone. It was a bad orchestra ensemble.

"Hello? Spencer?"

"Good evening, William. I know it's late..."

William takes in a deep breath, then lets it out in an irritated sigh,"No, it's fine."

"I...I have some girl problems," Reid stutters. He also stutters when he spills the story of JJ and his relationship. He had told William about JJ, but never like that. Most of the conversations they had regarding romance was revolved around Lila, and the time Reid had dated a man; also, they had talked a bit about...erm..."other things".

William snorts,"If you ask me, I say leave the little bitch alone. She's obviously a whore. This JJ hoe thinks that she can flip you on and off like a light switch, because...guess. Guess why she pushes you around, son. You're a profiler. Why does she do that?"

Reid started to get angry. His father was right! Who the hell was she?! She walks around like she's queen bee!"Because I keep coming back. And I shouldn't! And I won't," Reid says. He was going to call her. Yes! He was going to tell her to leave him _the fuck_ alone!

"Ooooor," His father drawls,"You can give her an ultimatum. Leave her boytoy, or leave you alone. It's that easy. If she chooses him, psssh, fine, there are other fish in the sea. If she chooses you, then _you_ play God! Lay down the line, tell her that she doesn't _own_ you, and she can't do away with you as she pleases! Tell her all of this, and then you'll be fine. Now can I please go back to fucking the gigantic woman in my bed? It takes a lot of work and I can't waste all my energy giving you my sights."

"I-I-uh...sure. I'll, uh, talk to you later, William." Reid hangs up.

It was that easy! He starts to dial JJ's number. He was gonna tell her off tonight, tonight, to-

_Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock!_

"Spencer! Spence, you have to open the door," he hears a sob from the other side of his painted wooden door.

He swings it open."JJ, I'm gonna tell you one time and one time...JJ?"

She was in a thin sweater, a ripped shirt, ripped pants. It was pouring outside. She was crying and there was blood on her thighs. Henrey was clutching the bloody jeans, his knuckles were white.

"Oh my God!" Reid forgot everything his father just told him, and led them inside the apartment."JJ, what happened?!"

She was trembling."I told him-I told him I didn't want it, but he...Spencer, he did it in front of Henry! He saw everything, please, Henry's so scared, Spence," she says in a long string of unsteady words.

Henry had his face buried into Reid's pants by now. He was just as shaky as his mother, if not more."Oh-oh-JJ...look, go in the kitchen, and get anything hot, okay? My microwave's unplugged, because my microwave has a very high electrical exertion rate and ohmigosh I'm sorry. Just plug it in, okay? I'm going to get you guys some warm clothes. JJ, you're safe here. Where did the blood...?"

"I shot him with my gun. He told me to get out and never come back. I couldn't leave Henry, so I-I-just grabbed my keys and ran into the car."

"What happened, JJ? I need to know," Reid says softly.

"I told him it was over. That I'm in love with you, and that I wanted _you._ He pinned me against the wall and tore my clothes and...and...Spencer, please help Henry. He's so cold," JJ says. Reid went into profile mode. She kept drawing the attention away from what Will did, and putting it on Henry. He decided to come back to her later.

"Go make some tea. I'm gonna go run the bath and get you two some clean clothes. And I'll call the police-"

JJ says suddenly,"Please don't! Spencer, he said he would hurt Henry and he has so many connects with the police department and you just _can't._ And I'm just so tired, Spencer. I really want to sleep. Please. Can we talk about it in the morning?"

Reid looks into her eyes, then nods and runs back into the bathroom.

xXxXx

Spencer was watching Henry sleep. He kept tossing and turning. JJ was in the shower. Reid sighs, a tear rolling down his face.

"Oh God." He whispers. He closes his eyes, but they dart back open when he hears a shriek. Henry jumps up, and Reid holds a hand out and grabs his gun. He follows the noise into the bathroom. He kicks the door open, staring at the window. A tree was tapping aggressively against the window. JJ was cowering in the corner of the shower, screaming.

"JJ! JJ, it's just the window. Calm down," Spencer soothes. JJ's cries quiet down, then stop. Reid takes her into his arms. Her tears dripped onto his now wet t-shirt.

JJ suddenly pulls away, looks into his eyes."You're...you're not like I thought you would be."

"What?" Reid cocks his head."Did I do something bad?"

"No, not at all. Quite the...opposite. I'm standing naked in front of you, and you're not trying to...trying to...touch me. Or look at me. I always thought you were just like every other man, that you would...try and take advantage of me," she whispers. Reid looks behind him. Reid had closed the door.

He then says,"I never would. That's not important right now, correct?"

JJ looks into his eyes. God, those pillow soft lips. She had to...

She throws her arms around his neck and dives into his mouth. He fights, but eventually gives into temptation and sucks her lips, letting his tongue run wild inside of her mouth. She grabs his hand, bringing it up to her breast. JJ squeezes his hand on her nipple, causing her to moan. His hand twitched to pull away. She pulls away from his lips to whisper in his ear,"Touch me. Why won't you...?"

"Because," he says, removing his hand from her breast."Because you don't really want this. You're vulnerable right now, and your sense of self-worth is crushed. You're standards are so low from...what he did."

"Don't profile me! Stop profiling me! I just want _you,_ Spencer!" JJ says in a whisper-yell.

Spencer hisses,"JJ, I can't."

She looks up at him from under her eyelashes. She loved this man so much. Even if she had to trick him into it..."You don't want me, Spencer?"

"Don't pull the reverse-psychology bullshit. It doesn't matter if I do. I guarantee, as soon as all this drama and trauma is done with, you're gonna regret us having sex if we did."

"I told you last night! I was perfectly fine then!" She retorts."My standards don't have to be lowered to want you. You're the one with fucked up self-esteem!"

Reid gained a tear. It rolled down his face. He lets out a shaky breath."Finish your shower. We don't need to wake Henry up over this."

"Spencer. I didn't mean that," she says softly.

"Yes, you did," he says calmly. His voice then raises a bit,"Because I have to have fucked up self-esteem to keep coming back to _you."_

He says sourly,"Finish your shower before the water goes cold. There's clothes laying in the guest room."

He leaves at that.


	3. Chapter 3

"Spencer?" Henry says tiredly. He was rubbing his eyes. He clutched Spencer's teddy bear he had gotten at his high school graduation; it had a little hat with a tassel on it. Every time Henry came over, he would sleep with it.

"Hm? What's wrong Henry?" Spencer rasps, sitting up. Henry shifts. Reid pats the bed next to him, and Henry dashes over and climbs on to the huge bed.

Henry lays back on the pillows and gets under the cover."Tell me what I saw," he whispers.

Reid flinches."Not now, buddy."

"Daddy hurt mommy," he sniffs. Reid holds him close."I heard him on the phone and he said it was so much better when I wasn't here. Why would he say that? What did I do? This was all my fault. I wish I was never born!"

"Hey," Reid says sharply."Don't ever say anything like that. Can I tell you a story that might help you?" Henry nods, and Reid begins."Once upon a time, there was a little boy. His daddy left, and the boy thought it was all his fault. He was so sad. Then his mommy got sick and she had to go far away for a very long time."

Henry says,"Like the people you and mommy send away?"

Reid flinches again._She says it's prison. Might as well have been._"No, it's different. She had to go away to...get help. The boy was a man now. He still felt bad, that same feeling he had when he was a boy. His mother going away was his fault too, to his knowledge."

"It's not," Henry says slowly.

"No, it's not."

There was a pregnant pause."So what happened to him?"

_He never felt quite right. He faked his orgasms unless he was alone. He looked at all of the heavy kids around him being bullied and thought,"I never want to be like that". He became bulimic. He got over it on his own, never getting medication. Instead of throwing up when he felt the urge, he drank coffee. He fell in love with a girl who...who...what? Did she love him? Who the hell knows. He sure didn't._

"He figured it out," Reid says, his voice cracking."And he felt better."

"I know how to profile people, too. You're lying," Henry states. Reid's eyes widen.

He stammers,"Uh-ah-I, uh, Henry, your mom needs you. Go back to bed."

"I want to sleep with you. You have a big bed in the guest room. Come sleep with us!" Henry says excitedly. Reid couldn't turn him down.

xXxXx

The painkillers Reid had given JJ did a lot for her the night before, but when she woke up she felt like shit. She ached in so many places. She sits up to go get some more pain pills, but then notices how close Henry was to her. Then her eyes travel farther...

Oh my God. Reid was in the bed! With her! She was taken aback slightly by the fact that he put Henry in between them; then she got over it and shook him awake, frantically thinking of an excuse for the action. She found one; work.

"Spenceeeeer?"

"It's wrong."

JJ cocks her head.

"You knew this from the beginning...but I was such a fat pig...but I could've lost it...but that wouldn't matter to _them..._you damaged your windpipe, you loser...just drink some coffee."

"Spence?" JJ says, confused. She touches his arm, and with that he jolts awake, sitting up.

He blurts,"Did you make coffee yet? I need a cup as bad as a squirrel needs nuts!" He laughs, then goes back to sleep."Wake me up when you make some coffee," he murmurs.

JJ wonders quietly,"Who is 'them'?"

"Do you even glance around campus, man? All these heavy kids are being pushed around. I can't be that. I just hit one hundred five! I'm gaining hard. There's only one solution to this. Diet pills make me high, and I want to eat as much as I want. Try it, Spencer. Don't do too much at one time, though. You'll fuck up your windpipe."

JJ mumbles,"He didn't listen." She touched him again, this time a heavier touch. He rolls over and looks at her. The same look he gave her when he left the bathroom. He remembered, great.

"Why are you waking me up?" He snaps."Didn't I tell you last night that I'm staying home with you guys?"

"S-sorry. I..." she trails off, then picks back up."...wanted to know how you like your coffee."

He pauses, then says,"Heavy on the sugar, light on the cream. Thanks."

He turns the TV on, and doesn't take a second look at her as she walks out.


	4. Chapter 4

"Thank you so much, Penelope." JJ says. She really was grateful. She had called Garcia on a whim, not telling her all the details, but saying that her and Will "parted ways" and he kicked her out. Garcia happily accepted taking Henry for a while.

She grins,"Don't worry. I like stuffing my face with somebody beside me. Come on, little one! Weeee are gonna watch a whole lot of TV!"

"Really? What?" Henry says, excited.

Garcia shrugs."Probably CSI: Miami. And then Loiter Squad."

"No," JJ says,"No Loiter Squad. I swear, if he calls me his 'son' one more time and tries to prank random people on the street...there will be hell risen."

"Fine, fine!" Garcia says, throwing her hands up in the air."Doc McStuffins it is."

With a flourish, Garcia exits with Henry in tow. JJ plops back on the guest bed, a bunch of thoughts swirling through her head. Spencer was pissed at her. Yet...he kept her here. If he wanted, he could kick her to the curb and keep Henry safe. But...he let her stay. That has to mean something, right...?

The subject at hand suddenly appeared in the corner of JJ's eyes. JJ lets her eyes roll back to the ceiling."Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

"Yes," he admits."I do."

"Then why can't you...why can't you fuck me like you want to? Like...when you were screaming my name in the bathroom. You came because of me. Why don't you want this?" She says softly. She couldn't comprehend.

He pauses."Do you ever realize that we're always negotiating with serial killers, telling them what's right and what's wrong, when our lives are so fucked up? Sometimes, I just think...'who the hell are we to tell someone how to live their life if we barely get by in ours'. And yet, every time, we catch them. Isn't that ironic? Cruel, too."

JJ starts to ask her question again ("Why won't you fuck me like a racehorse") but then says,"Sometimes I feel like that too. I've always felt so out of control, but we help those people. But...how?"

Reid pauses again, then changes the subject back to their earlier topic."I'm sorry I acted that way when you said something about my self-esteem. It's just...I've never been good with girls, is all."

JJ sits up."I know the truth. You can tell me, or I can say it. Either way, it's going to be embarrassing, and I really am sorry about that, but it has to come out. Do you know what I'm talking about?"

He growls,"I was talking in my sleep. My imagination runs wild while I sleep, I don't know why-"

"In college," she says, her voice cracking,"your friend taught you how. They taught you how, didn't they? And you did it. You stuck your hand down your throat, and gagged, and gagged and gagged until you felt better. Until you felt that you were safe from _them_. That's it, isn't it? That's all you wanted, was to be left alone. You didn't care if they loved you or not, as long as they didn't _hate_ you. And you didn't want to go into a mental facility like your mother, so you handled it by yourself-"

"Don't talk about my mother!" Reid shrieks."That's...I..."

"-and you never told anybody. You ignored the boy on campus, and you tried to ignore the heavyweight kids being shoved around. But you couldn't. So you had to find an outlet, right?"

He strains to speak,"I tried cigarettes. The electronic ones. I tried gum, or lollipops, like the addicts and alcoholics do. But I couldn't..."

"So," JJ continues," you started..." JJ couldn't bring herself to say it."...your old habits. And then you fucked up your windpipe. Just like the boy said you would. After that, you stopped, for good. You found your release. You started drinking coffee. You don't eat as much. Whenever Morgan says something about how skinny you are, or calls you an anorexic, you immediately change the topic or run away. But the one thing I don't know is...have you done it since? Have you, Spencer?"

He collapses into trembles, his face in his hands."What do you want from me?!"

"I want the truth!" She fires back."I want you to talk to me."

He sniffs,"I don't even know if I can! God...I can't even..." he mumbles something under his breath.

"You can't even what?" She says softly.

He goes into full-blown crying."I can't even come in front of another fucking person. I never have! That's how fucked up I am. That's how my father left me. That's how this so-called _God_ left me!"

JJ's mouth drops open."You're...a virgin."

"No," he chuckles, a wry laugh."No, I'm not. I just slide on by, and if there's some insistency, I'll fake it. It's that easy. I don't trust anyone. Hell, I can't trust my own father. Who the fuck can I trust?"

JJ felt a tinge of pain. He sits on the bed and sighs. She crawls up behind him and hugs him. She rested her chin on his shoulder, burying her face into his neck. He smelled the same as when he held her last night, as when he kissed her at the game. Cinnamon and spices and coffee. She kisses his shoulder, then whispers,"Can I...show you? What it feels like?"

"JJ...I..." He says. Her eyes roll down to his boxers. There was a tent in them. He couldn't _possibly_ refuse her.

"We don't even have to touch each other," she says."I'll just watch you..."Reid gulps."And you can watch me." He relaxes a little bit. She must be feeling self-conscious too, right?

_Right._ She was scared as fuck. She had to admit. She had faked her fair share of orgasms, and most of them were with Will. He finally says,"O-o-okay. I've never done anything like this before, so..."

"Spencer," she says softly,"If I can't bring you there, it's okay. I won't be mad."

He nods, and they simultaneously take their tops off. Reid almost reaches out to squeeze her perfect breasts, but then he stops, thinking of one of his special talents that he usually kept to himself. He smiles softly, thinking about JJ's possible reaction, then decided not to do it.

She circles her fingers around her perked nipples, then gently squeezes them. They were still a little sore from what Will did, but she pinches them anyway. She tosses her head back. Wetness was pooling into her panties. She couldn't stop herself from purring,"Ooh, Spencer, I'm so wet...take your boxers off, and I'll take these off."

He nods and strips himself of his underwear, and she discards hers. He starts to stroke his cock, a bead of precum leaking from the tip. Her mouth drops open. Jesus H Christ, he was big! She imagined him inside of her, and she felt her fluids dripping off of her and onto the sheets.

"JJ? Is something wrong?"

"N-no. It's just, ummmmm...you're...bigger than, um, Will. Or most guys for that matter," she says, blushing furiously. Had she really just complimented the size of his dick?

"Ah-I...thanks...?" He laughs. She peels her eyes off of his shaft and starts to trail a hand down to her center, while the other kneaded her breast. Her hand makes its way to her clit. She makes tiny circles on it, before slipping a finger inside of her dripping wet heat. She moans his name wantonly.

He stroked a bit faster, precum dripping onto his hand. He felt like he was almost there...but he needed...he needed...

_Oh, to hell with it! I don't even care about her reaction at this point!_

JJ was almost close, and her eyes were closed, but when she opened them is when it _really _got started.

Spencer was folded over, hungrily licking and gently sucking his own cock. She had never, _ever_ seen something more erotic in her entire life! She couldn't do this anymore! They both wanted this...if anything, after Will did what he did, this was what she _needed_.

She tackles him and plunges her tongue into his mouth, tasting his come on his lips. He didn't taste like Will. He tasted...good. It made her even wetter.

JJ pants,"I need to taste you. I can't do this, Spencer." She starts to move down his body, frantically and erratically kissing and biting. He tries to conjure up a protest, but it's lost in translation when she relaxes the muscles in her throat and take s his whole length.

"Ah! Ahhh-oh..." He groans."Shit."

"Spence, you taste so fucking good," she whimpers.

"JJ, you gotta stop, honey, or I'm gonna...I'm gonna..." He stammers. He was scared, but he knew it was too late to back out. Forget what she said earlier. JJ was determined to make him come. She bobs her head up and down on just the tip, sucking hard, then takes him deep again.

Finally, the grand finale; he keeps yelling that he was sorry, that she needs to stop, and then a final "oh fuck Jennifer that feels so goooood". He comes, and she keeps sucking and swallowing and sucking and swallowing...

"Jennifer," he hisses. She loved it when he said her name. It was so sexy.

He fell back on the pillows, panting hard. When he comes back from the edge of ecstasy, he says,"I'm-I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about you. We shouldn't have done that..."

"Spencer," she whispers."I promise you I won't regret this. Now, can we sleep?"

"Well-I-um...of course. I am feeling a bit fatigue..." he chuckles. And together, they fell asleep.

She didn't hear a single word from him.


End file.
